Whole

Today I was talking to someone about filling voids. This is something that I have recently learned and became aware of in my journey of personal development.

In my past, after every breakup, I went to everything to fill my voids. The losses drove me to drugs, alcohol, food and plenty of rebound relationships. There were times I became a serial dater and picked up terrible habits along the way. I hit each wall one by one after each new struggle. I tried to tell my ex that she needed to be alone after our breakup. She didn't agree or understand this and I didn't know how to explain why because I had never conquered it. I just knew it was the right path.

After each loss, we turn to things to fill that void. And once we begin to heal, sometimes we will stop continuing our destructive behavior and move on to something else to fill our void that we aren't aware is still there. We go out into the world and spend the rest of our lives to fill our voids and we never stay happy. We over eat, we over spend, we over drink and we make a ton of mistakes along the way.

I feel the key to the perfect life is to be whole. And the perfect life does not mean perfect circumstances.
When I think about the people I know, I am not sure that I know anyone who appears to be perfectly whole. No one thinks about this factor, especially when we experience pain. Our goal at that time is survival, which is whatever we can do to make the pain bearable.

When we aren't whole, relationships don't work and we aren't happy when our "void fillers" don't work out. When we're broke, we can't try to fulfill ourselves with material objects or alcohol. When we over eat, we gain weight and create a whole new void to fill in our self esteem. When we go in for the rebound, the excitement dies and we hurt other people. No matter which way we turn, if we turn anywhere outside of ourselves, it's a dead end.

The only way to fill our many voids is to do it ourselves, with ourselves, within ourselves. People with everything can still be depressed and people with nothing can be the happiest people on earth. Because they are whole. They don't need anything or anyone to feel secure, fulfilled and happy. If only everyone was aware of that. You must be alone at some point to be whole after a tragedy. And I don't mean without support. I mean without a void filler. You must look within.

Going through the steps towards being whole makes me understand what it means and more able to explain its importance. I am committed to my path and nothing will stand in my way.

You will never be free until you complete yourself.